I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
