If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
