what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
