I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
