i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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