So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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