This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
