Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Two words: nipple clamps
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