Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
