can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
