nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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