Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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