the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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