$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
