Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
