yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
