Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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