Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The best revenge is premature balding
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
