If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
