It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
