mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
