Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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