just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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