I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
