so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
