I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
