If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
PANTIES FOUND
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