I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
