I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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