I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
