He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
