I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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