it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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