I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
