he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
