She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
