Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
