just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
