I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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