i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
