so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
