I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think i have two assholes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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