Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
