nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im part way to drunk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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