I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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