haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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