Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
