I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
