sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
