i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize