so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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