YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
