Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My penis needs a shock collar
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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