my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.