just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.