Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
