remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
