I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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