I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dick very happy bro
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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