One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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