My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
