You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you never un-have a 4some
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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