Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
