Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize