Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
