My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
