I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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