She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
