The best revenge is premature balding
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
