Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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