i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
