Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Porn is love you can see.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
