I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I need water and some morals
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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