Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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