How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
