No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
